


Little Lion Man

by JaydeJax



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, F/M, Romance, Tuckson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:15:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25697143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaydeJax/pseuds/JaydeJax
Summary: Tucker is usually the one taking care of her. But when Olivia has to take care of Tucker, she realizes she has a lot to learn about the man she is falling in love with. AU. Tuckson. Rated M for later chapters. Crossposted to FF.net.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Ed Tucker
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I shamelessly stopped watching SVU after Stabler left but recently started a rewatch. And now I hopelessly ship Tuckson and it has taken over my life. So here I am writing my first fic in over six years because these two should have been endgame. So they will be here.

She'll kill him.

Well, slap him. Probably yell. But God did she want to kill him.

Somehow the news never reached her. Then again, Olivia figured there was a very specific reason for it. She'd been buried in paperwork all day, locked inside her office to try and finish it. If news reached any of her detectives, they did a damn good job of following orders and not sharing any information. What bothered her the most was that she knew exactly why the news didn't reach her.

So now here she was, hours after Ed Tucker — that bastard — had been released from the hospital, staring at the front door of his apartment. The sun was down and the lights in the hallway felt too bright. Olivia could feel her heart beating and it felt like it was trying to fight out of her ribcage.

This was Olivia's second time being in his building and she was still a bit shocked at how nice it was, even with the anger coursing through her. Before she had a chance to knock the door opened.

The feeling of wanting to slap Ed immediately evaporated. There he was, his bright blue shirt unbuttoned halfway and stained with blood, exposing his white undershirt. It looked bloodier, if that was even possible. His left eye was already black and there was quite the cut across his right cheek — stretching from the bridge of his nose, under his eye, and almost down to his jaw bone — being held together with more stitches than she could briefly count. His right hand held a glass half full of what she could only assume was bourbon.

"You bastard," Olivia said through clinched teeth, taking a step forward and placing both of her hands on his chest. She gave him a strong shove, sending him back a few steps. But Ed was quiet because he knew he deserved the anger.

There was a moment where they both stared at each other. The apartment was quiet except for the hum of his air conditioning and music playing from a record player in the corner of his living room. Ed lifted the glass to his lips and finished the bourbon in one gulp, not even pulling a face as it stung going down his throat. He stood there, in the middle of his living room, with his mouth half open and his blue eyes locked intently on Olivia.

"You almost get killed and you don't bother to have somebody tell me until you're out of the hospital? What the hell, Ed?" Olivia reached back to shut the door to his apartment, only turning away to secure the locks.

"None of the bullets hit me," Ed finally rasped, shrugging like that was the perfect explanation. "And the bad guy is dead." With that he moved into the kitchen and grabbed the open bourbon bottle, pouring more into the glass and immediately drinking it all.

Bad guy is dead. In Ed's line of work Olivia knew that statement meant a bad cop was dead. His move back to IAB was supposed to be the safe one for their family in lieu of him retiring. Apparently they had both been wrong.

Olivia watched him, noting the way he moved a bit slower as he walked. Their relationship wasn't new, exactly. Over a year and not much of a secret anymore. For the entire time, Ed had taken care of her like the man she'd always needed in her life. Olivia had opened up to him, had turned to him for comfort so much that she had lost count. They had filled roles perfectly and, more often than not, Ed was caring for her without a complaint.

And now the man she loved was standing in front of her with a blank stare. It scared her because it was a gaze she hadn't seen in years. The last time she'd been on the receiving end of it, he'd been grilling her as the big, bad IAB Lieutenant. But this gaze from Ed held something different and she could feel it. This was a side of him that he allowed only Olivia to see.

Tonight Olivia knew she needed to flip their roles. She could grill him later, get angry and really slap him after he'd been taken care of. Without a word she moved into the kitchen, making a bit of noise so that Ed could hear her approaching. She was silent as she grabbed the empty glass and set it in the sink before closing the bottle of bourbon. That was where Olivia had expected the fight but Ed was quiet, not even looking at her as she stood off to his left.

"C'mon," Olivia said softly, moving a hand to rest on his lower back. "Let's get you undressed and in the shower." Normally she would have received a witty retort regarding their sex life. Tonight, Ed was quiet. He moved his head to study Olivia, his blue eyes darting between her brown ones before he sighed and let her lead him down the hallway and into his bedroom.

The floor lamp in the corner was on and it was the first time Olivia had really seen Ed's bedroom. Last time it had been dark and she'd left before the sun was up. Not her proudest moment but they'd easily discussed it and moved on. As much as she wanted to look around, Olivia kept her focus completely on Ed. She gently turned him to face her and kept eye contact as she finished unbuttoning his shirt. It was already getting stiff from the amount of blood soaked into the fabric. A pang of worry shot through Olivia as she thought about how it got there and wondered if it as all Ed's.

"Arms up," Olivia murmured. She managed a small smile as he obeyed without question, letting out a small grunt as the fabric of his undershirt rubbed against the stitches on his face. "Sorry," she whispered as she checked to make sure they weren't bleeding. She kept his clothes in a nice pile on the foot of his bed, already planning to start a load of laundry to see if the entire outfit could be salvaged. She'd probably have to hunt down his suit jacket once he got in the shower. Her movements were smooth, like she had practiced for days how to undo his belt and slide it from his waist. She could feel him watching her hands and managed a weak smile.

"Usually I'd have you pinned to the mattress by now," Ed said with the best smirk he could manage. His voice was flat, raspier than normal, and the smirk was gone so fast Olivia was pretty sure she'd imagined it.

"Well maybe you'll get lucky later, Captain," Olivia replied with a wink, trying anything to lift his spirits. It wasn't a shock to her to see more blood splattered across his slacks. All it did was cause her stomach to twist. Why hadn't Ed called her while he was in the hospital? She swallowed hard as she deftly undid the button and zipper of his slacks, letting them drop to his ankles. Without prompting Ed stepped out of them, grunting as he moved to pull off both his socks. "Don't move, I'm going to go start your shower."

There was no argument as she moved into his bathroom. It was clean and put together. Then again, he hadn't been here in nearly a week and had his own items in the bathroom at her place. Hell, it was more like their place at this point. Olivia sighed as she figured out the water and got the temperature she knew Ed liked. As she walked back into the bedroom she found Ed standing in the same spot, his back to her. He'd put his trousers, socks, and underwear in the same pile as the shirts Olivia had removed. Olivia would have taken the time to enjoy her naked boyfriend but instead made a small noise and moved to touch his back. Her hand rested between his shoulders blades. For the first time since she'd entered Ed's apartment she saw his body visibly relax.

"Go get in the shower," Olivia whispered as she moved to grab his right hand, turning it over so she could remove his watch. "I'm going to start some laundry and order some food. I'll set out some clothes for you." Without a thought she moved to playfully smack his ass and that prompted a genuine crooked smile from Ed. They shared a quick kiss before he moved toward the bathroom.

Olivia immediately jumped into action. It wasn't hard to dig through Ed's dresser and find a pair of gray Under Armour sweatpants that she decided were comfortable enough because she knew she'd want to steal them. What really made her laugh was the fact that nearly all of the t-shirts tucked away had NYPD written across them. If she hadn't gotten to know Ed better, she'd think his entire life was the job. Given the circumstances of her arrival at his apartment, she dug through the drawer until she found a black shirt that read ARMY across it in big, yellow letters. It was better than nothing. After picking out a pair of underwear she moved into the bathroom and set the pile of clothes on top of the closed toilet seat.

Before long the washing machine was going, food was ordered, and she got a glass of water set out on the coffee table in his living room. The music was still going so she paused to listen. If Olivia had learned anything about Ed Tucker, it was that his love of music was beyond that of any normal human being. Even better? The man was in love with anything he could listen to on vinyl. But when she walked over to lift the needle off the record, she couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. Mumford and Sons was not at all what she had expected but she had just cut off "Little Lion Man" so she could turn on the television. As she slid the record into its protective sleeve she heard the shower turn off.

This was where Olivia debated exactly where she needed to be. When she was having a rough time, Ed tended to be right there unless told otherwise. Except this was the first time she was taking care of him, she had never been in this role during their relationship. For a moment she felt guilty. How had Ed always known exactly what to do? How had she never been in this role for him? Ed was standing in front of the sink, a towel wrapped loosely around his hips as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Ed's gaze moved to meet Olivia's in the mirror and in a situation where she'd normally receive a smile, all she got was a blank stare.

"Mumford and Sons, huh?" Olivia tilted her head as she moved to stand next to him.

"Not usually my type of music," Ed muttered, raising an eyebrow as he turned to face her. "But it sounds great on vinyl." He paused to reach out and rest a hand on the juncture of Olivia's neck and shoulder, his thumb gently running across her jaw. "Little Lion Man is one of my favorites but I missed it after my girlfriend forced me into a shower." He followed the statement with a wink to let her know he was joking. Olivia wouldn't have picked up on it considering how flat his voice was.

"I ordered from that diner you like and got you extra fries," Olivia explained. Her eyes were now downcast, studying Ed's lean torso. She hadn't seen any of the injuries earlier but, thankfully, none of them looked as bad as his face. A small bruise on his right hip, one she recognized from the holster Ed wore. It cut off where she knew his ballistic vest started. A few small cuts across his right and left forearms, definitely defensive wounds. And a small bruise just below his right collarbone, just outside where his vest was. There was no hesitation as Olivia leaned forward and placed a kiss against the bruise. She felt Ed suck in a sharp breath, exhaling shakily as he dropped his head to press his nose against her temple.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you," he practically growled, clearing his throat as she lifted her head to look at him. "The whole thing went down so fast, I was out when they got me to Mercy. I knew you were busy today, I didn't want you to miss any time with Noah." It sounded like a bunch of excuses, even to him, but each statement was completely true. "I didn't mean to worry you, Liv."

"Ed, what happened?"


	2. Chapter 2

Ed Tucker wasn’t an idiot. Neither was Olivia Benson.

The communication in their relationship had always been great and this was the first time he had actively made a decision to exclude her from anything. Ed convinced himself it was to keep her from worrying, to keep Noah out of the situation. His thoughts were racing as he kept his eyes trained on her. The feeling of her hands wrapped around his midsection grounded him more than he cared to admit. Both of her hands were splayed across his lower back and it felt like heaven. He let one hand rest on her shoulder, the other pushing some hair out of Olivia’s face.

“You know IAB had been working a case against cops somehow sneaking dope into a holding facility. Today we decided to move and he wanted suicide by cop.” Ed’s jaw clinched before he forced it open, his head shaking slightly. “So he shot first and I dunno, I had my gun out. The bullet was so close, Liv. It shocked me. And then his partner bum rushed me, got the first good punch in. I didn’t see the knife.” All he could do was shrug, shaking his head again. “I didn’t even get a shot off, Liv.” Already she could tell that it was time to stop talking and, thankfully, she heard the buzz indicating their food was outside the building.

Olivia placed a soft kiss on Ed’s lips before pointing to his clothes. “Get dressed and meet me in the living room.” After she left, he did exactly as instructed. Socks, underwear, sweatpants. Ed picked up the t-shirt, holding it loosely in his hands before deciding to stuff it back in the dresser. The idea of trying to drag the cotton over his face seemed too daunting. Ed appeared in the living room as Olivia unpacked all their food. All he could do was stand and watch, even letting a smile grace his lips.

“A cheeseburger and extra fries. I am a lucky man.” Ed wasn’t sure he wanted to eat but he knew he needed to.

“I even turned on SportsCenter for you,” Olivia responded proudly. She set her salad down next to Ed’s meal before straightening up. He was still standing just outside of the living room, lingering where the hallway ended and opened up into the kitchen. The lost gaze in his eyes was something that she never wanted to see again and she was willing to do anything to make it leave. So, she let her eyes wander — Ed kept himself in great shape and she loved him for it — but her eyes snapped up to his face as soon as he cleared his throat. There was a heavy pause before they both laughed softly.

“All I gotta do is stand here shirtless, huh? Should’ve known you just wanted me for my body, Benson.” And, even if it was short term, that empty look was gone. Ed’s eyes looked just a little brighter and there was a flush on his cheeks that never failed to make Olivia’s stomach flip.

“Sit down and eat, Tucker,” Olivia responded with a smile. As soon as Ed got close to her, she reached out and took his hand. The immediate squeeze she felt in return told Olivia that she was exactly where she needed to be. They both lingered between the couch and the coffee table. Ed was looking down at her, his mouth partially open as he struggled to figure out his next move.

“I was embarrassed,” he rasped, licking his lower lip as a heavy sigh moved his chest. “I was mad at myself for such a rookie mistake and then I —“ Ed let out a noise of frustration, his free hand moving to cup Olivia’s cheek. “I know you gotta focus on Noah and I didn’t want to worry you with my dumbass decision. So I told them to not call you and I waited until I was home so you could arrange things with Lucy. I didn’t want Noah to see me like this.”

“I was going to slap you, kill you, and then bring you back to life to kill you again,” Olivia responded as she let her face rest heavier against Ed’s hand. “But I don’t want to talk about that right now. Noah is at our place with Lucy. She agreed to stay over night. I’m here for you.” Without a thought she pressed a quick kiss to Ed’s lips. “Now, sit down and eat.”

It was evident that Ed had spent most of his life following orders. Anytime Olivia ordered him to do something, he did exactly as instructed. So he sat on the couch gingerly, grabbing a french fry and mindlessly eating half of it. The baseball highlights had captured his attention. It made Ed feel normal for a minute, not at all like the man who had nearly died earlier in the day.

What had scared him the most was the instant thought of Olivia and Noah losing him. On his back, a brother in blue attempting to stab him through his vest, all he thought about was getting home to his family. Before he’d fallen in love with Olivia Benson, he’d not thought of much. But today something took over him. He’d grabbed the knife during the struggle, easily flipped them as they fought —

“I think the Mets might actually be good this year,” Ed murmured, pulling himself away from his thoughts as he picked up the cheeseburger. “Maybe I can take you and Noah to a game.” One bite, just for show.

“You know how much Noah would love that,” Olivia replied around a bite of her salad. Out of the corner of her eye Olivia saw Ed mindlessly picking at his french fries, occasionally lifting one to his mouth to actually eat it. Not eating was definitely out of character for Ed Tucker. Olivia would have no idea how much the man actually ate given how in shape he looked. It was impressive, really. Then again, she’d also watched him workout.

With her salad half finished, Olivia moved to rub her boyfriend’s back. It was clear he wasn’t going to eat. There was an unspoken exchange and, without a word, Olivia was sitting with her legs crossed and Ed’s head resting in her lap. The cut across his cheek looked painful but she did her best to distract him by scraping her fingernails through his silver hair, against his scalp.

“Why ‘Little Lion Man’?”

“Have you ever listened to the lyrics?” Ed’s voice was deeper than normal and Olivia hated how her first thought was how aroused it had already made her.

“I can’t say that I have.” The answer made Ed open his eyes, his lips curling in a weak smile.

“Maybe we can do that later.” His eyes were closed after that statement. Olivia swore the man was purring like a cat as she continued to run her fingers through his short hair.

She wasn’t sure how long they had stayed there but at some point Ed had turned his head, pressing his nose gently against Olivia’s stomach. When she looked down she saw that his eyes were open.

“I’m gonna need some melatonin,” he whispered. Olivia heard his voice crack for the first time in her life. The thought of Ed being weak was not one she had ever entertained. Ed Tucker was intimidating and he knew it. The way he carried himself, the piercing blue gaze, the low voice. If his career in IAB hadn’t been so good he would have been an amazing interrogator anywhere else. But he used his skills to do good, to find those who made the rest of them look bad.

“Why don’t you go back to the bedroom? I’ll clean up and bring you some melatonin. Did they give you any pain medication at the hospital?” Olivia watched as Ed shook his head the best he could in her lap. “Ibuprofen it is.” Before they moved she bent over and placed a lingering kiss on his forehead.

They moved like they were in sync with one another. Never bumping into each other unless they intended, even in Ed’s dazed state. They each shuffled around, Ed back to the bedroom and Olivia around the living room to clean up. By the time she was walking back with water and pills, she was hopeful Ed might have fallen asleep. The floor lamp was off but when she turned into the room, she noticed he was sitting up. Waiting. There was a silent exchange. Pills first, water second.

“Sleep with me?” Ed lifted the blankets up and Olivia slid under them without a word. This was new for both of them but they seemed to know the dance. Usually Ed held her and she listened to his heartbeat as her head rested on his chest. Tonight, he sprawled out on his stomach, threw one arm across her midsection, and buried his face into her side. “I love you.”

“I love you more” Olivia whispered with a smile. She didn’t get the normal reaction.

It felt natural to hold him. She turned slightly to run her hand up and down his back while the other one rested just above his head. With the amount of melatonin Ed took, she knew he’d be asleep in no time. Olivia could already tell she wouldn’t sleep much and planned on cleaning up the rest of the apartment while he slept. If all went according to plan, she’d be back by his side as the sun came up. She had a feeling he wouldn’t be going into work the next day.

In a matter of minutes she felt Ed’s breathing even out. Olivia felt each exhale from his mouth against her skin and it made her smile. She could count on one hands the number of times he had fallen asleep before her. Despite the hectic evening, she decided to take her time studying the man buried into her side. His head was turned so she couldn’t see his black eye. Instead, the fresh cut across his right cheek was visible, the blue stitches standing out against his skin. Even with the wound, Ed’s face looked relaxed and she couldn’t help but think he looked years younger. Her hand was still moving slowly up and down his broad back, enjoying the feel of his muscles even when he was relaxed.

What caught her eyes was the scar across his left shoulder blade. Had that always been there? It wasn’t from a surgery, it looked a bit jagged on each end. But it was long, cutting across his shoulder blade, down his back and across his spine. Olivia knew she’d run her fingers down his back, had dug her fingernails into it, but how had she never felt that? Or seen it? Ed was, oddly enough, a man who would walk around their place shirtless all day if she let him. The scar was thick and she knew there would be an indication that it had been stitched shut. As her boyfriend slept, Olivia began to realize that she knew less about Edward Tucker than she should. And he knew practically everything about her.

Their lives had intersected from time to time. Through out the years it was hard to think about him as anything other than the “rat squad.” Ed showed up in Olivia’s life at the worst possible moments because that was his job. But there was a man behind that IAB investigator. There always had been. And now she had a chance to truly get to know that man, she just had to take advantage of it. The way Ed curled into her, let her care for him all evening, was a side she knew next to nobody had seen. Hell, she might have been the only one.

“Oh Tucker,” Olivia whispered as he subconsciously pressed closer to her.

In an hour or so she would get up and let him hog the mattress, would clean up and return to bed before he woke up. For now, though, she was going to enjoy the feeling of taking care of the man she loved.


	3. Chapter 3

It should be illegal to be so damn attractive, even sleeping. Olivia was sure she’d stared at her boyfriend long enough for it to borderline on creepy. There were reasons though, she justified. Ed clearly needed her and she all she wanted to do was make sure he would be alright. For nearly an hour he slept without an issue, not even moving. That was the biggest hint to Olivia that he would be out for a while. It was safe to get up and take care of what she needed to.

Before she left the bedroom she changed into a pair of old NYPD sweatpants and a t-shirt that still smelled like Ed. Then she was off, making her way through the apartment to take care of what needed to be done.

The list wasn’t long. Move clothes from the washing machine into the dryer, wipe down the coffee table, and make sure all the food was put away in case Ed got hungry later. Olivia realized it had taken her not even fifteen minutes. Until she remembered she needed to find Ed’s suit jacket. Had he been wearing one under his vest? She stood in the middle of the apartment, scanning it to see where he might have discarded it. It wasn’t in the bedroom, not on the coat rack, nowhere to be seen.

Didn’t Ed have a home office? Olivia glanced down the hallway, staring at the open door to her boyfriend’s bedroom. And then, off to the right, a partially closed door. They’d spent more nights on the phone together than physically with one another. Olivia, ever the detective, was curious most nights about where the Captain was and he usually answered that he was at his desk.

That door had to lead to Ed’s office.

Pushing the door open further almost felt the trespassing but Olivia swallowed the feeling. All she planned on doing was peeking in to locate a suit jacket. But when the light flipped on she couldn’t help but freeze in place at what greeted her. A wall of awards to her left, most that she hardly knew Ed Tucker had. There were photographs, framed write-ups with the matching bars and awards. Now she couldn’t just stop. This was a chance for her to learn about the man she loved, a man who hardly shared about his life, and who Olivia suddenly felt like she knew nothing about.

Of course they were organized, earliest on the left to the most recent on the right. Olivia obviously had to investigate so she moved to start at the beginning.

The first photo was a proud young man, chest puffed out with the biggest smile Olivia swore she’d ever seen on Ed. White gloves covered his hands as they folded to rest on the front of his duty belt. All of the leather on Ed’s uniform was polished to a shine, the uniform hat worn with text book accuracy. All that was printed across the bottom was the date Ed had graduated from Basic Training.

_December 22nd, 1985._

Olivia took a few more moments to stare at the twenty-three year old Edward Tucker, surrounded by his parents who looked just as pleased and proud as their son. Without a thought she reached out to touch the photo, biting her bottom lip before moving on to the first award.

“Started out with a bang,” she said with a small laugh.

_Meritorious Police Duty — Honorable Mention  
Presented April 2nd, 1989  
Awarded to Police Officer Edward M. Tucker  
52nd Precinct_

Ah, a middle name. Olivia studied the write-up for the award. A shooting where Ed used himself as a distraction to save his partner and killed a kidnapping suspect. The photo next to the framed award and write-up made her pause. A very young Ed in his dress uniform, a proud grin on his face, and a slender brunette plastered to his side. She looked more proud than him, if that was possible. Olivia knew he had been married but she’d never seen the woman. With one last look at the first award, Olivia moved on to the second.

_Medal for Valor  
Presented December 18th, 1996  
Awarded to Police Officer Edward M. Tucker  
52nd Precinct_

Two awards in and Olivia wondered how Ed and Elliot ever hated each other. Apparently they each liked to just throw themselves into danger. And apparently she had a type without even knowing the young police officer that Ed was. A shootout where Ed convinced his partner to use their cruiser as a rolling shield so he could grab another wounded officer. According to the write-up, Ed took a bullet to the back of his calf. Another scar she’d get to ask about. The photo next to the second award was much like the first. Ed had an arm proudly around the woman’s waist, holding her close. The woman’s hand was resting possessively on his chest.

Before the next award write-up Olivia studied a few photos of Ed as a member of the Emergency Services Unit. She knew he’d joined before a promotion, the rumors of a badass ESU officer jumping to IAB had been rampant. Each photo showed him proudly standing with the rest of his unit, rifles in hand, dressed like they were all ready to make entry into some dangerous house. That smile in each photo made her produce one of her own. Ed had to know how attractive he was, there was absolutely no way around it.

_Edward M. Tucker  
Sergeant — Emergency Services Unit 52nd Precinct  
Promoted February 24th, 1999_

The promotion photo was slightly different from those included with the awards. No dress uniform, a fancy suit filling out Ed’s frame instead. The brunette wasn’t standing as close, though he still had an arm looped around her hip. Olivia could tell the smile wasn’t genuine like the previous photos.

The next photo took all of the breath out of Olivia’s lungs.

She’d seen all the photos. They all had. It was part of who they were, part of their agency. Staring at the photo, she knew she had seen it before. Maybe not in color because she would have remembered it more. That had to be the reason it made her stomach drop. Or maybe it was because she was in love with the man staring back at her.

Those blue eyes were piercing, especially coming from a face covered in that all-known gray dust. Mouth half open, blood on the side of Ed’s face and splashing across his jaw. No uniform but a gold badge indicating his rank hanging around his neck with a torn up shirt that belonged in an office and not on the streets of New York City on September 11th. 

Olivia knew he had responded. They all had. Drop everything, get to Ground Zero. By the time she’d arrived, the towers were gone. Ed had obviously been there during a collapse.

What Olivia noticed most was the gaze from the photo matched the same gaze Ed had all evening. Empty. Blocking it all out. In the photo, Olivia could see a piece of torn cloth in Ed’s left hand, bloody and covered in dust. What made her heart swell, though, was how strong Ed looked. The photo wasn’t one of shame or sadness.

It was perseverance. Strength. Everything that Olivia knew Ed Tucker to be.

To the right of the photo Olivia studied the last award hanging on his office wall.

_Medal of Honor  
Presented September 11th, 2003  
Awarded to Sergeant Edward M. Tucker  
Internal Affairs Bureau  
One Police Plaza_

Olivia read the write-up and felt the knot in her stomach grow. How could she not know about what a brave man Ed was?

_On September 11th, 2001, Sergeant Edward M. Tucker displayed an individual act of extraordinary bravery in the line of duty at imminent and personal danger to his life. Sergeant Edward M. Tucker performed an act of gallantry and valor with knowledge of the risk involved, above and beyond the call of duty._

_Sergeant Edward M. Tucker selflessly ran toward the North Tower as it collapsed and used himself as a shield for a civilian who was unable to run from the debris flying toward them because of the collapse. Sergeant Edward M. Tucker then dug both himself and the civilian out of the debris, carrying the civilian out of harm’s way to locate available medical care. As a result of his actions, the civilian survived and was able to be transported to the hospital for recovery._

For being a pompous ass for most of his career, Olivia had to admit that he was humble son of a bitch. Nobody heard about this side of him, they all just shouted “rat squad” whenever he appeared in any precinct. The next shock came when the photo next to the biggest award any officer could get didn’t include the brunette woman. Ed stood alone, no smile on his face, in a dress uniform. 

The rest of the wall was filled with his promotions.

_Edward M. Tucker  
Lieutenant — Internal Affairs Bureau One Police Plaza  
Promoted May 1st, 2009_

Olivia started to pick up on the theme that Ed’s marriage ended after September 11th. The next photo showed him standing alone, a soft smile on his lips while he should be proudly showing off his new badge.

_Edward M. Tucker  
Captain— Internal Affairs Bureau One Police Plaza  
Promoted January 2nd, 2016_

Olivia took a step back to study the wall entirely, scanning each photo again as she watched Ed age. It felt like she had suddenly learned more about her boyfriend in last several minutes than she had in the last twelve months. They always joked with one another that she didn’t ask specific enough questions to learn about him. Perhaps she just needed to do some investigating of her own to really learn. 

“Emily left after nine-eleven.”

The voice was raspy and made Olivia jump as her hand immediately moved to her chest.

“Fuck, Ed,” she said as she heavily exhaled. She was scared because she’d just been caught snooping.

“We weren’t really doing well in ninety-eight but I insisted we keep trying. I thought I loved her.” There was no smile on his lips but Olivia did notice the firearm in his right hand, kept low at his side. He’d woken up alone and heard movement, for a moment he’d forgotten Olivia was in the apartment. “She wanted me to leave the NYPD. Pissed was an understatement when I not only stayed on with ESU, but became a Sergeant for the team.”

“Is that why you moved to IAB?” Olivia moved forward and gently removed the gun from Ed’s hand, setting it on the desk.

“Early oh-one,” Ed said as he glanced up and to the right to make sure he remembered the timeline correctly. “Part of it was to try and keep her. The other part was seeing how many crooked cops there were once I got a gold badge. I’d try to punish them, I’d get my dick slapped.” A shrug moved his right shoulder as he sighed. “Felt like the smartest move.”

“Ed, I had no idea about any of these awards.” Olivia turned to face the wall again. She was pleasantly surprised when she felt his arms wrap around her waist and his chest pressed against her back.  
“Bear says he’s a mouse.” That response made her smile as she felt him press a kiss against her temple. “I liked being the rat squad instead. Nothing to prove, just work to do. Each of those was just me being in the right place at the right time. Any officer would have done the exact same thing.”

There were so many questions running through Olivia’s mind that she had trouble picking just one. That scar across his back, the fact that the gun on the desk was not his duty-issued Glock 19 but his Springfield XD-S, a weapon he’d purchased on his own to carry off duty.

Instead.

“What’s your middle name?”

“Michael.”

“When did you marry Emily?”

“Eighty-eight. Maybe July?”

That made Olivia laugh as she finally turned around to face Ed, studying how tired his blue eyes seemed to be.

“Well, at least you remember the year. Why the split?”

“She didn’t like that I wouldn’t talk to her about nine-eleven. Or about anything at all, really. She said I changed more after the big day and I know she was right. January fourth, oh-two.” Remembering that date made Ed smirk, his eyes wrinkling as he dropped his head to place a slow kiss on Olivia’s lips.

“You’re excellent at communication though, why didn’t you talk to her?” Olivia sounded breathless. Ed knew how to kiss so she shamelessly moved in for another one. When they pulled apart, she kept her forehead pressed against his own.

“She was a teacher. There was no way I would tell her about the job. It felt forced,” he whispered. He let a hand move to run through her hair, lingering at the base of her skull. “With you I know I can tell you anything. You’ve been there, done that.”

“I didn’t jump on top of a civilian when a tower fell and then drag them to an ambulance,” Olivia replied with a smirk. That statement made Ed blush immediately and it spread down his neck and across his chest. “Oh, did that make the great Captain Tucker blush?”

“Anybody would have done it,” he whispered. Instead of speaking again, he moved to kiss her again, moving her backward until her back hit the wall of awards. There was one way he could keep Olivia quiet. It never failed. Tonight, though, his office was offering her more than enough distractions.

“You were a Ranger?” Olivia put one hand on Ed’s chest as she looked at the wall directly behind his desk, studying the Army items hanging there. She had known he went into the Army at eighteen, never deployed. But a Ranger?

“Uh, yeah,” Ed muttered. “I was at Joint Base Lewis McChord, Tacoma.” It was hard to keep the smile off of his face because of Olivia’s very specific questions. Once upon a time he had teased her, now she was taking full advantage. “Joined right of high school and did five years. Moved back here and applied right away.”

Olivia felt comfortable enough asking him questions that she hoped the next one would be answered just as easily.

“You said you didn’t get a shot off, why’d they take your duty weapon?” Ed tensed immediately in her arms, his gaze moving swiftly from the wall of Army items to meet his girlfriend’s.

“Maybe we talk about that later and I take advantage of your position now.” Olivia was quiet for a long moment, holding Ed’s gaze before she nodded. When it came to discussing difficult subjects, Ed never pushed her. There were boundaries that he respected and Olivia was allowed to talk when she felt most comfortable.

“I think I’d really like that.” The words were barely out of her mouth as Ed’s lips crashed against her own. She couldn’t help the moan that slipped out of her lips as he deftly scooped her legs up and around his hips.

“I won’t be able to —“

“Ed, it’s fine,” Olivia cut him off breathlessly. Her head fell back against the wall, just next to one of the awards, as she felt Ed’s teeth gently biting her neck. “I just want to feel you.” There was hardly any time between her statement and feeling her boyfriend’s hand sliding under the sweatpants and her underwear.

“Fuck, Liv,” he sucked in a breath as his other hand squeezed her ass. “How are you already so wet?” The answer was a giggle that ended in a moan as he effortlessly slid a finger into her.

“All those awards, I had no idea you had done all that,” Olivia managed to reply as she let a hand move to scratch down his back. The other cupped the base of his skull as he met her lips.

“Arms up,” Ed growled as he pulled away. Olivia smirked at him as he impatiently tugged her shirt off her torso, his eyes widening slightly when he finally noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra. “Oh, you tease.”

“Fair play,” Olivia replied, her head falling back against the wall against Ed’d mouth moved to attached to a hardened nipple. “Shit,” she hissed, a hand moving to run through his short silver hair. “Fair play, Tucker,” she repeated as her free hand moved just below her legs, pushing at his own pair of sweatpants.

In a moment he gently lowered her legs, pushing his sweatpants and underwear down in one easy motion. Olivia followed his lead with an impish grin, enjoying the view of her naked boyfriend. At this point in their relationship she wasn’t shocked to see that he was already hard and it sent a chill through her body. If Ed was an expert at anything, it was pleasuring her.

Ed hadn’t moved yet, clearly enjoying the view as much as his girlfriend. His chest was rising and falling faster than normal but the smile on his face was what made Olivia feel proud. For now she was able to distract him and she knew that they would both enjoy it.

“You’re fuckin’ beautiful, Liv,” Ed murmured as he scooped her up once again. There was no warning as he slid two fingers into her, feeling how slick and ready she was for him. “God damn, woman.”

“I want to feel you,” Liv whispered into his ear as she moved her hands to rest on his shoulder blades. She took a moment to feel the scar, tracing a small part of it. She repeated the motion as she felt Ed adjust his feet, reaching between them before slowly entering her. It felt new each time, like they’d been deprived of each other for ages. They moaned in unison, Ed’s face buried into her neck while she pressed her lips against his temple.

For a man of his age, Ed didn’t hesitate to fuck Olivia in any space he could find. Against walls, the public restroom of an Italian restaurant, the back seat of his take home car. It was a pleasant change from her previous partners.

Despite the stress of the day, Ed was gentle, keeping a steady rhythm that didn’t try to push Olivia through the wall. He kept one hand under a thigh, squeezing it enough to make Olivia groan. His other hand squeeze a breast, tweaking the nipple.

“Fuck, Liv. You don’t know how bad I needed this.” Ed couldn’t suppress a moan as she tilted her hips and he thrusted deeper into her. It earned him a gasp that shot pride through his chest.

“Fuck me, Ed,” Olivia replied as she dug her fingernails into his back. She knew what it took to get him going and she was proud of that. It surprised her that the buttoned-up IAB officer could lose himself in her and that she could drive him wild. To help spur him on she dropped her mouth to his shoulder to gently bite down.

The words that followed were difficult to understand but Olivia got her desired response. Ed’s thrusts got faster as he kept her pinned against the wall. The sound of their bodies meeting filled the room and she could hear some of the awards shaking on the wall around her. Olivia let one hand move between them, running down Ed’s abs shamelessly. She felt them tense with each thrust and moan as a shot of arousal went through her body.

Olivia didn’t have to say a word and couldn’t help the small shout that ripped from her throat when she felt Ed’s fingers on her clit. She was already sensitive and arched into his body as he started to rub her.

“Come for me, Liv,” Ed growled as he pulled his head back. His fingers were making quick work of her and Olivia knew she wasn’t going to last much longer. “I want to watch you.” He always knew the right thing to say to get her going.

“Ed.” It was nearly a shout as she grabbed his head and shoved it against one of her breast. He took her guidance in stride, sucking and nipping on the nipple in front of him. His thrusts hadn’t slowed down but he was doing his best to hold out for her. Suddenly, her body started to tense and her legs tightened around his hips.

“That’s right, baby. Right there,” he said against her skin. And then she was over the edge, shouting into the home office as her head slumped forward into the crook of his neck. It only took a few more thrusts for him to empty himself inside of her. For several moments the only sound in the room was their heavy breathing as Ed continued to hold her. She let her hands stroke the back of his head and between his shoulder blades.

A mutual moan slipped from their lips as he pulled out of her. Olivia felt him help her stand but her legs felt too weak to support her. Ed jumped in, supporting her as he placed kisses along her hair line. That was exactly what he had needed to try and clear his head.

“I love you, Olivia,” he whispered. When he knew she could stand on her own he jumped into caring for her. Sweatpants and panties on, shirt over her head followed by a soft kiss. It made Olivia melt into him. She forgot that she had spent the entire evening caring for him.

“Alright Superman,” she whispered when he pulled away. “I am here to take care of you, not the other way around.” Without another word she helped him get his underwear and sweatpants on. “You look exhausted —“

“Gee, thanks,” he replied with a wink.

“Hush. C’mon, back to bed with you.” Olivia watched Ed as he grabbed the gun from the desk, keeping it in his right hand as she led him back to the bedroom. Out of habit, he placed it on the bedside table.

“I didn’t like waking up alone.” The admission was made without Ed looking at her. He was chewing on the inside of his lip.

“Then get into bed and I’ll fall asleep with you.”


	4. Chapter 4

_“Gun! Gun! Gun!”_

_The shouts were coming from all directions so Ed responded like he was trained. Gun out of the holster, shoulders square to Tommy Creek who was mirroring his stance. Time slowed down and he swore he could see the officer’s finger squeeze the trigger._

_Was it possible to feel the air from the bullet? It took the breath out of his lungs and for the first time in his career, Ed froze. Olivia and Noah flashed through his mind. Then the training kicked in and he felt his finger start to pull the trigger as he heard a second shot._

_Except Creek’s partner, Chris Volk, had been watching the entire thing. Waiting. All Ed heard was “fuckin’ rat” before he was tackled to the ground. He landed on his right side, his holster jamming into his hip as he felt a fist connect with the left side of his face._

_Where had his gun gone? The force of the tackle had knocked it from his grip and he could hear more shots. Gun. He needed his **gun.** But the searing pain across his right cheek shifted his thought process. All he could do was scream as his eyes went wide. Ed’s gaze caught the glare of the knife blade. It was moving down toward him and moving fast. The fight was on. Ed’s mind was fuzzy but he knew to raise his forearms, feeling the blade knick the skin as he blocked each movement._

_“This is what you get you IAB piece of shit,” Volk growled above him. Ed met his gaze before he grabbed the officer’s hand to stop the knife from going through his ballistic vest. Olivia’s face was flashing through his mind again. Everything else was training._

_They had rolled easily and Ed could see Volk’s shock the moment his back hit the asphalt. There was blood dripping onto the man’s shirt below him as they continued to struggle for the knife. Volk tried to stab him again but Ed avoided the stab at his neck easily._

_Then the knife was in his hand and **where the hell was his gun?**_

_And why was Volk screaming?_

Ed’s eyes shot open and his chest jumped as he took a sharp intake of breath. This was his bedroom. It was quiet. No yelling or gunshots. Nobody trying to kill him. As his heart rate started to calm he started to ground himself. Olivia was curled into his side with a hand resting over his heart. Thankfully, she was still asleep. For a few moments he just watched her and let himself smile. Never in his life had he let a person care for him but when it came to Olivia, he knew that things were different.

“I’m gonna marry you,” Ed whispered to the sleeping woman. It took some magic but he managed to untangle himself from his girlfriend without waking her up. His body was sore and he struggled to not groan as he walked over to the mirror above his sink. The black eye was darker. The cut across his right cheek somehow looked worse.

But he was alive. He got Olivia and Noah for another day. A sore body was well worth that.

Ed checked to make sure Olivia was comfortable in the bed before going into the living room. Making breakfast seemed like a good idea but he’d hardly been living in his apartment the last few months. They had discussed him selling it but each conversation had been interrupted by something. As a result, there was no food for him to make Olivia breakfast. All he had was coffee.

“I’m here to take care of you, Tucker,” Olivia’s voice came from the hallway as the smell of coffee filled the apartment. All Ed could do was smile. “That means you should be in bed naked with me on top of you.” That earned her a low laugh. Instead, a mug of coffee was slid in front of her as he took the first sip from his own.

“I don’t disagree with you,” Ed winked at her and leaned forward to place a soft kiss on her lips. “But coffee was calling my name and you looked so cute asleep. I couldn’t ruin that.” The stared at each other as Olivia took her first sip of coffee. The air between them was comfortable but he could tell she was thinking. “I don’t want to talk about what happened yesterday.”

“We don’t have to. You have another two days before you have to give your official statement.”

“You want to ask me something.”

“I want to ask you a lot of things.” Olivia licked her lips and moved to sit on the counter. Their bodies moved comfortably and in an instant, Ed was standing between her legs. His left hand slide high on her thigh while his right lifted his mug to his lips.

“Ask away.”

Olivia held Ed’s gaze as her free hand reached behind him and traced the large scar. She felt his breath hitch before a small smirk graced his lips.

“Ed, I don’t know how I have never seen this. I feel horrible.” She let her hand fall to rest on his lower back, massaging the muscles there the best she could at that angle.

“I purposely do my best to make sure you don’t see it. I’m embarrassed by it.” Ed studied the woman in front of him over his mug of coffee as he took another sip. Olivia Benson was the woman he knew that he would marry. He wanted to spend the rest of his life taking care of her, watching Noah grow. All of it. Olivia needed to know all about him and that meant he would have to open up when he didn’t want to.

“It must look more impressive than the scar from you getting shot in the calf,” Olivia was rewarded with a laugh. Ed dipped his head down to place a soft kiss on her neck while his hand squeezed her thigh. Seeing his office was triggered quite the streak of curiosity in Olivia. She’d learned so much about the kind of cop and human Ed Tucker was. Their brief meetings throughout the years didn’t do him justice.

“That was just a ricochet, they made it sound like my damn leg got blown off,” Ed whispered against her skin. It sent a chill through her body but she knew what he was doing. Distract her, avoid the questions. Today they wouldn’t discuss why he had ended up in the hospital but she would ask him about everything else.

“Tell me about the one on your back.” Olivia’s hand cupped the back of his skull as he pulled back from her neck. “I want to know.”

“It got me the Medal of Honor,” Ed responded. Olivia raised an eyebrow before she remembered the photo, the write-up about him using himself as a shield. “We all knew that tower was going to fall and when I felt that rumble I started to run like everybody else. I was terrified.” He set his coffee mug down so his hand could run through Olivia’s hair instead. “But I saw this man fall out of the corner of my eye. I thought he’d get back up but he didn’t and I saw all the dust. I didn’t even think.”

“That photo of you, was that after?” Olivia let her head rest against his hand. Her eyes slipped shut as she enjoyed Ed’s touch.

“Yeah. I got us dug out and carried him to an ambulance, first one I could find. The guy who took the photo shouted something and I looked at him. When I turned away he shouted again but it sounded more, I dunno,” Ed shrugged, “Worried? He kept asking if I was alright but I was pretty out of it. Next thing I know, I’m getting carried like some new bride into a firehouse. They think it was a piece of the building or debris that got picked up. I took it instead of that civilian.”

The blush that had spread across Ed’s face and chest was endearing to Olivia. Her boyfriend didn’t enjoy discussing himself, especially when it came to big events that should have defined his career.

“That’s pretty sexy,” Olivia whispered, earning a smile that ended in a wince from Ed. Those stitches couldn’t get out fast enough. She missed that full smile, the one that made his eyes light up.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were just trying to get into my pants, Benson.” Ed’s tone was playful as both of his hands wandered around her body to cup her ass against the counter. Before he could speak again Olivia met his lips in a slow kiss. Without a word she moved to pull his hips closer to her own. There were definitely no complaints.

Just as Ed had slid a hand under Olivia’s shorts, she heard her cell phone start to ring in the bedroom. Ed groaned, letting his head drop to rest on her shoulder. They managed to untangle one another and he shamelessly watched her ass as she walked down the hallway. While he waited for her to return he did his best to stretch out his back, wincing at how his muscles protested to the movement.

“Perfect, thank you so much Lucy. I really appreciate it,” a pause as Olivia appeared in the kitchen again, looking at Ed with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll be there soon.” When the phone call ended she bit her bottom lip and avoided meeting Ed’s gaze. “We both knew this wasn’t a vacation which means at least I need to get back to Noah.”

“I can’t be alone.” Ed’s response was immediate. For the second time in as many days, Olivia heard his voice crack. When she finally looked up, she noticed that his gaze was locked intently on their coffee mugs. This vulnerable side of him was new to her. Had he always been like this? “But I don’t want to scare Noah.”

“You won’t scare Noah,” Olivia replied as she moved forward, her hand lifting to gently rest on a bicep. “You’re his Tucker and he loves you. We just explain to him that you got hurt. He’ll understand, Ed.”

The silence between them was long and all Olivia wanted to do was have Ed look at her. There was something going on with him and she hated that there was nothing she could do about it. When anything was impacting her, Ed never pushed her to talk. He knew to let her open up on her own time. Except this new side of her boyfriend, the vulnerable one, worried her. This was the man who had never been afraid of anything. Now it was her job to pick up the pieces, not his.

Without a word she moved forward and kissed him. It was slow and she felt Ed’s body melt against her own.

“Come home, Ed,” she whispered against his lips. “Let me take care of you. We have food at home. Noah misses you. I’ll let you sleep when you want, we can make love after we get Noah to bed.” That got her a smile that she didn’t even know she needed to see.

“I’d be lost without you.” Ed enjoyed the laugh from Olivia before they shared another kiss. They were both smiling when she pulled away.

“Let me see your calf, I want to see this famous scar.”

“No.”

“Edward Michael Tucker, let me see it,” Olivia demanded as he started to walk away. His gait was playful as he moved toward the bedroom. “You cannot get away from me!” They collapsed together on the bed and the sound of his laugh was music to her ears. It was genuine. For a moment, Ed forgot about everything going on in his life.

Once they settled down, Olivia resting on top of him. She easily straddled his waist with his hands rubbed her thighs. They were simply enjoying one another, sharing lazy kisses and soft touches. It made Ed feel comfortable. When Olivia pulled away to gently kiss the bottom of he bruise around his left eye, he let it slip.

“I stabbed him.”


	5. Chapter 5

Taking another human’s life was an altering experience. Ed had learned that in late 1988, not even a whole three years after he’d earned his badge. That time it had been a firearm. It had been quick, a no-brainer. The kidnapper had the kid in his arms, had already shot once at Ed’s partner and landed a solid hit to Jeff Malley’s shoulder. It was his job. So, without a thought, Ed had shouted to get the attention on him.

It was slow motion after that. The kidnapper turned, Ed could see the look in the little girl’s eyes, and then he was looking down the barrel of a gun from less than six feet away. It took one shot, perfect aim, and he mindlessly scooped the crying girl into his arms as he called it in. It was a clean shoot, he’d been cleared a week later, and given an award five months after that.

He had fired his weapon twice in the line of duty, earned two awards, and killed one person.

Until the previous day.

_“I stabbed him.”_

The statement Ed muttered hung in the air between them. It was heavy and Olivia sensed it had been unintentional. They stared at one another as she rested comfortably on top of him. Every single part of her wanted to question him further. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, she felt Ed pat her upper thigh.

“C’mon, we’ve got Noah waiting patiently for us,” he murmured. Despite his sore muscles, Ed lifted his upper body off the bed to give her a quick kiss. “Maybe you can earn seeing the scar on my calf later.” The wink made Olivia smile as she effortlessly got up. They each shifted and got to their feet. Olivia found the clothes she had arrived in, changing effortlessly and without much of a though.

“I was thinking about that curry you made a few weeks ago, the one Noah lov—“ When Olivia turned around she saw Ed standing at the foot of the bed, not changed, but holding a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. The look in her boyfriend’s eyes was one of … embarrassment? “C’mere,” she said softly. He obeyed immediately, a look of relief washing across his face at the fact that he didn’t have to verbalize what the issue was.

“The orange curry? If you’ve got the stuff, I can make it,” he murmured as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Olivia nodded as she slipped Ed’s jeans up his legs. Had the playful moment still been there, she would have tried to feel for the scar. Instead, she stuck to business and pulled him to his feet so she could finish getting his jeans on. What she did allow herself to do was let her gaze linger on Ed’s body. The man had no right to be this in shape for his age and yet she couldn’t help but admire the defined v-shape that dipped into his jeans from his hips. Or his stomach that was defined but not outrageously toned.

“I’m getting a little more sore,” Ed whispered as he sucked in a quick breath. Olivia had bravely let one of her hands trace the outside of his abdominal muscles. “I got tackled and I’m not twenty-three anymore,” he added with a laugh. Olivia motioned for him to put his arms up and then easily pulled the gray and blue NYPD shirt over his head.

“We haven’t been keeping up on your ibuprofen. Take some before we leave, it’s in the kitchen. I’m going to pack a bag for you.” Olivia placed a quick kiss on his cheek. Ed lingered for a moment, looking down at her with a warmth in his eyes that she hadn’t seen in the last day.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” Ed pulled her into a hug without another word. His arms were tight around her body and she returned it without a thought. After a moment he pulled away and left the bedroom, leaving her to pack a few things for him. She found the black backpack he always carried into her apartment for prolonged visits, laughing at how beat up it was becoming. The act of packing clothes for Ed was mindless, now a habit for her. A few shirts, jeans, sweats, shorts. Pajamas. Underwear and socks and …. the red pack of cigarettes tucked into Ed’s socks made her sigh. Definitely stressed. So she grabbed them and stuffed them in his bag as well before going to meet him in the kitchen.

“I packed clothes for the next few days,” Olivia had one strap from his backpack slung over her shoulder as she waited for him by the door. “And your cigarettes.” There was no malice in the statement. Olivia knew it was a stress relief for him, that he’d quit smoking years ago, but it still made her cautious. After learning about his lung cancer she had been like a protective mother.

“You can leave them if you’d like,” Ed said with a shrug. In a few quick steps he moved to wrap his arms around her waist, placing a few quick kisses against her neck. “I bought them yesterday before I came home, only had one. You know me, I needed something to do and I couldn’t exactly go on a run.”

“It’s fine, Ed. Let’s get home so you can start making that curry.” Olivia winked at him, dropped a hand to entertain their fingers, and led him out the door.

There had been a brief commotion when Ed and Olivia had walked into the apartment. He had moved immediately into the kitchen so Olivia could explain his injuries to Noah. By the time the little boy had learned everything, he teetered into the kitchen and looked up at Ed.

“Hi, Tucker,” Noah stated with a boyish smile. “Mommy told-ed me to say that you look ‘mazing.” The laugh that came from Ed’s chest was genuine as he scooped the boy into his arms and placed a quick kiss on the crown of his head.

“Definitely not as amazing as you, sweet boy,” Ed replied. “I’m going to make us curry for dinner, you really liked it last time. Now, go join Mommy in the living room while I cook.”

The sound of some kid show filled the apartment while Ed started to chop some of the vegetables for the meal. The smell of their dinner filled the apartment and made Olivia smile warmly. Noah was happily playing with his building blocks as she sat on the floor, back against the couch. What pulled her out of the perfect scene was the sound of a small shout from the kitchen.

“Ed?” Olivia glanced once at Noah — still happily distracted — before she got up and moved into the kitchen. He was standing over the sink, right hand holding his left, as blood dripped from his index finger. “Ed?” She asked again because he wasn’t moving, just staring down at the blood and breathing heavier than anybody ought to be after a small cut. Without a thought she moved to put a hand Ed’s shoulder. In an instant he jumped, his head whipping around to look at her. Ed’s eyes were wide and he had lifted his right hand to grab her wrist without a thought.

“Fuck, Liv,” he let his eyes close as he dropped her wrist. “I’m sorry. Sorry.” He swallowed hard as he rested both of his hands on the edge of the sink, leaving forward heavily on them. “I’m sorry,” he repeated as he felt Olivia’s hadn't rest on his lower back.

“It’s fine, Ed. You’re good.” Her hand was already rubbing at his tense muscles through the t-shirt. “Let’s get that cleaned up and bandaged. It doesn’t look too deep.” Olivia moved slowly out of the kitchen to grab the first-aid kit out of the bathroom. When she returned, Ed looked a bit better. He’d stirred some of the food in one pan with his left hand, checked the rice, and was waiting expectantly for her.

“Dinner should be done in a few minutes,” Ed stated as he held his left hand out for her. It was like the earlier exchange hadn’t even happened. Olivia knew they were going to need to talk after Noah went to bed. They didn’t speak as she cleaned the cut and then put a band-aid on it, playfully leaning down to kiss the bandage.

“All better,” Olivia said with a small smile. They shared a quick kiss before he turned his attention back to dinner. It was easier to focus on that instead of his obvious display of stress. Fear? Olivia wasn’t sure but she knew it was something she’d never seen from Ed Tucker.

Dinner went well. Noah actively verbalized how much he enjoyed the meal with each bite. It made Ed laugh and forget everything for a while. Olivia agreed to clean up the kitchen while Ed gave Noah his nightly bath. They shared the duty of getting him tucked in, making sure he was comfortable before they left the bedroom hand in hand.

Somehow they ended up in the same position as the night before: Olivia sitting comfortably on the couch with Ed’s head in her lap. She was mindlessly running her fingers through his short hair while they both watched some movie. Occasionally she glanced down at him, inspecting his black eye and feeling rage swell in her chest at whoever did that to him.

“Ed, I think you need to tell me what happened.” Olivia had muted the television, looking down at him expectantly. Except Ed kept his eyes glued to the movie while he tensed his jaw. She knew that he could feel her gaze. “Look at me,” she whispered as her free hand moved his head so they could meet each other’s gaze. “Ed, you’re not handling this well. I need you to talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Bad guy’s dead and I’m alive.” Ed raised an eyebrow as he studied his girlfriend’s face. “I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

Olivia wasn’t sure what she expected so she was quiet for a while. Opening up about difficult situations was not easy for anybody, she had first hand experience with that. She just wanted to help soothe him and she knew that she always felt better when she talked.

“I want you to tell me what happened.” Olivia’s voice left no room for argument. They stared at each other and she could tell that he wasn’t happy at all. She expected that, though. She knew this wasn’t going to be easy. “You’re not acting like yourself. You hardly ate any of the curry and I know how much you love it. You didn’t eat much of anything last night, either. And don’t you dare get me started on what happened in the kitchen.”

“Olivia, what do you want me to say? That I killed somebody yesterday?” Ed moved his head from her lap, getting to his feet as he tried to get rid of his nervous energy. “I haven’t killed somebody since eighty-eight when I shot that guy. But this time I had no gun,” he let out a short bark of a laugh as one hand ran impatiently through his hair. “And he tried to stab me after I got us rolled. The knife was suddenly in my hand and all I felt was blood on my hand.” In an instant he stopped walking, looking at her with a hurt gaze. “I don’t remember doing it but the knife was in his side and he was screaming. Then there was blood in his mouth and he just… got quiet.”

Olivia sat on the couch, watching Ed as he let it all out before something happened that she never thought she would see.

This was Ed Tucker, the man who seemed unshakable all those years. Who had no emotion and didn’t give a damn about what anybody thought. He was standing in her living room holding back tears that were making his eyes brighter in the light of the living room.

“And his blood was all over my hands while he laid there,” Ed’s voice was weak as he stared at her, his mouth half open as he took several shaky breaths. “I don’t know what happened.” He ended the statement by holding both his arms up at his sides, letting them fall with a small slap against his thighs.

“Come back to the couch,” Olivia said softly, patting her thigh where his head had been. Ed moved back without a word, his head back in her lap in an instant. It opened the flood gates and she wordlessly wiped the tears from his cheeks. The crying was silent, not even Ed’s body shook, but she kept his cheeks dry. She was careful to avoid the stitches and to not press too hard on the bruise. “I’ve got you,” she whispered.

Before long Ed was asleep, his face pressed against her stomach as he sought the comfort that only Olivia could provide. She kept moving her fingers through his hair before she let her head rest against the back of the couch. It didn’t take long before she fell asleep as well.


	6. Chapter 6

It was hardly an hour. If that. Olivia blinked several times and took a deep breath, lifting her head as she tried to remember where she was. Couch. And then she heard Ed’s soft snore. It sent a rush of relief through her to know that he was fast asleep. It was still early in the night but she knew she couldn’t move. Getting Ed to sleep with such a chaotic mind was difficult.

So Olivia grabbed the remote and started flipping through the channels. Occasionally she would look down at Ed, studying how his face was not relaxed like when he usually slept. Out of habit she kept running a hand through his short hair. It appeared to keep him asleep and she couldn’t help but smile as he burrowed his face against her stomach.

Each channel was something different but the first news channel that flashed across the screen made her blood run cold. She wasn’t even sure how she was still holding the remote.

Right there, on the screen, was Ed Tucker in his NYPD uniform photo. Next to it, two other uniformed officers that she knew must be the dirty cops that had been taken down. Without a thought, Olivia un-muted the television and turned the volume down.

_“Captain Edward Tucker of the Internal Affairs Bureau is being credited with the investigation into Officers Tommy Creek and Christopher Volk. The NYPD says that Captain Tucker’s investigation ended a years-long drug trafficking ring that completely corrupted the Manhattan holding facility._

_We have learned that Officer Christopher Volk was killed during today’s incident. Captain Edward Tucker was injured in the line of duty. The investigation into the death and injuries is on-going.”_

Was she crying? Olivia put the remote on the armrest of the couch, reaching up to wipe at her cheeks.

“Didn’t think it’d make the news,” Ed’s gravelly voice made Olivia jump and she immediately moved to turn the television off.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, Ed,” she replied breathlessly, again trying to wipe at her tears so he wouldn’t see them. Apparently she was too late. Ed sat up with a grunt, gently wiping his thumb under each one of her eyes. “I thought you were asleep,” she whispered.

“You’re fine,” Ed replied, managing the best smile he could with the injuries on his face. “I honestly didn’t think it would make the news,” he repeated. A partial lie. A dead cop was a big deal, no matter how they died. But seeing himself on the news didn’t settle well with him. “Now we know to just avoid the news for a while and make sure Noah doesn’t see it.”

Olivia took a deep breath and leaned forward, giving him a quick kiss. Ed lingered close to her before leaning in to start another kiss. It was slow and Olivia felt everything he was trying to tell her. They moved easily, Ed’s hand tangled in her hair as they maneuvered until she was below them.

“I need you,” he mumbled against her neck, placing quick open-mouthed kisses against her skin. For a moment he considered leaving a mark but knew better. So he pulled her shirt down and let his mouth attach to the skin just below her collarbone. Olivia’s hands rested on the back of his neck as he nipped and sucked until he knew a mark would be left there. There was a slight moment of hesitation as Olivia reached down to pull the shirt over Ed’s head but he graciously helped her.

“I’m all yours,” Olivia whispered in reply as he helped pull her shirt off as well. In an instant his head was grabbing a breast through her bra. It was rough and she couldn’t help but groan, arching into the touch. This wasn’t going to be gentle and she was completely ready for it.

It felt like a race to get each other’s clothes off and the moment Olivia was naked underneath him, she watched him pause. Ed took a deep breath, his blue eyes intently studying her body. He drank it in like he’d never seen it before, like it was the last time he'd ever get to see it. One hand braced on the couch next to Olivia’s head while the other one moved slowly between her breasts and down her stomach.

“I thought about you,” Ed croaked, swallowing hard around the words. “About the first night I spent with you. Walks in the park and spending time with Noah. Fuck, your smile when I make you the perfect cup of coffee.” The thought process stopped as he dropped his head and placed open-mouthed kisses. Olivia expected him to speak again but, instead, he moved between her legs.

For a moment she considered stopping him but the moment she felt his tongue against her clit. There was a swagger to Ed Tucker that she never understood until she had fallen into bed with them. Then it all made sense. The man knew exactly what he was doing and was far too good at it. Olivia ran a hand through his hair and let out a small moan, biting her bottom lip to try and keep quiet. Noah was still asleep and she wasn’t going to ruin something that she wanted and Ed needed.

Without a warning Ed slid a finger into her, groaning against her when he felt how wet she already was.  
“Fuck, just get up here,” Olivia said breathlessly. She arched her hips against his mouth and couldn’t help but giggle when he didn’t move. She wouldn’t bother him and was instantly pleased with her decision. While his tongue continued to lap at her clit, she felt a second flinger slide inside of her, fingers hooking at just the right spot. And then she was over the edge, breathing heavily as she relaxed against the cushions.

The smirk on Ed’s face made Olivia forget the entire reason they had started fucking on the couch in the first place. He looked proud of himself as he ran the back of his hand across his mouth. His chest was moving as he took several deep breaths, looking more cocky with each passing moment.

“You enjoyed that,” Ed said as he started a trail of kisses up Olivia’s body before meeting her lips in a slow kiss.

“I did. Now,” Olivia moved both of her hands to rest on his shoulder blades, gently digging into the muscles there. “Fuck me, Ed.” That made a chuckle rumble through his chest as he effortlessly thrust inside of her. They were both still as she adjusted to the way he felt completely buried in her.

“Say it again, please,” Ed pressed his face against Olivia’s neck, letting himself gently thrust deeper into her.

“Fuck me, Ed,” Olivia whispered as she dug her fingernails into his back and let herself scratch him. That was apparently all he needed to hear. The next thing Olivia knew she had to move one hand away from Ed’s body to brace against the armrest so she wouldn’t keep knocking into it. “Yes, Eddie,” she gasped and shifted to bite into his shoulder. If she wasn’t able to stay quiet they would wake up Noah.

The use of his nickname from Olivia, somehow, made him thrust even harder into the woman below him. Each grunt was muffled as he struggled to keep his mouth shut. Feeling Olivia’s teeth sink into his shoulder was making it harder and harder to stay quiet. One hand moved to grab the armrest for more leverage until his hips started to stutter and his rhythm faltered.

“Liv,” he gasped and felt himself spill inside her. For a few grateful moments the world was quiet. All Ed could hear was Olivia breathing heavily beneath him and she supported his body as he relaxed on top of her body.

“C’mon, you’re bleeding,” she whispered as she ran her thumb across the small streak of blood that was coming from his stitches. Ed moved slowly from the couch, glancing at the jeans and shirts strewn across the living room.

“Grab the first-aid kit, I’ll grab something for us to wear.” Ed flashed a quick smile and then disappeared down the hall. Olivia slowly got up, watching him with a look of concern before going into the kitchen where they’d left the first-aid kit after dinner.

Ed returned to the kitchen in a pair of boxers, helping Olivia into her shorts and one of his shirts.

“I’m going to be sore tomorrow,” Olivia said with a chuckle as she dabbed at the stitches and cleaned up the small amount of blood on his cheek. She stood closer to him to make sure none of them had ripped open. When she was comfortable with how Ed’s wound looked, she ran her thumb across the bottom of his black eye.

“I got the shit beat outta me,” Ed mumbled, his eyes darting across his face before he glanced back the black screen of the television. Hours before Ed had killed somebody and now it was a story on the overnight news. They spoke about it like it was nothing while it was completely tearing him apart on the inside.

“Hey,” Olivia reached out and gently turned his head back toward her. “Don’t think about that, Ed. It’s not going to do you any good.” The answer she got was a small sigh. “You did what you had to do. I don’t hate you for it at all.” There was no hesitation as she stood slightly taller to place a small kiss under his black eye.

“You’re just trying to get into my pants,” Ed murmured with a weak smile.

“Don’t worry, I already did,” Olivia replied proudly.

The next thing Olivia knew she was in a tight hug, pressed protectively against Ed’s chest. She felt herself relax into him, smiling just a bit as one of his hands tangled in her hair.

“I think I’ll go give my statement tomorrow instead of waiting,” he grumbled as he pulled back slightly. “I don’t want to keep delaying it.” Before Olivia could respond they were kissing again. It was slow and she knew it was a way to keep her from responding. Without a word, she grabbed Ed’s hand and led him back to the bedroom.

“Lay down,” Olivia murmured. There was a pause. They both laughed as Ed lowered himself onto the bed. “Roll over, on your stomach.” Another pause before he followed the instructions. That’s when he felt Olivia’s hand on his left calf.

“Not this again,” Ed said playfully, glancing at her over his shoulder.

“Tell me about this one. You never tell me what you did at work before Internal Affairs. I had no idea you were that kind of cop.”

“I was the same cop as everybody else,” Ed mumbled as he felt Olivia climb onto the bed. He relaxed as he felt both her knees on either side of his hips and then her hands gently massaging his back.

“My partner, Oliver Rivera,” Ed paused to let out a soft groan as Olivia worked a knot between his shoulder blades, “We went to this bank robbery. We roll up and I shit you not, the bullets hit our windshield right as we roll up,” a sigh as Olivia worked his muscles. “And I see this cop laying in the middle of the intersection. There’s blood everywhere and he’s tryin’ to drag himself somewhere.”

“So you played the hero. The great Ed Tucker,” Olivia bent over to cover his back with her body, placing several soft kisses against the back of his neck.

“Well I couldn’t let him just lay there, Liv,” Ed said with a gentle smile. “So I got Oli and two other guys to take off their vests. We rolled ‘em up in the windows to make them bulletproof.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“And Oli drove the car all slow with me behind it. We got to the guy, I grabbed him and we all pulled him into the back seat. Got him a few blocks away and into an ambulance. Ended up living.” Ed’s voice had gotten more and more quiet as Olivia continued to work at the muscles in his back. The man was usually tense but there was a big difference considering how the day had gone.

“You didn’t tell me how you somehow ended up with a bullet in your calf, Tucker,” she said with a raised eyebrow.

“When I moved from behind the cover of the car they just started shooting,” he chuckled, “Shit aim. Horrible. I heard the bullet hit the asphalt and then it felt like my leg was on fire. I don’t know how I even fuckin’ walked.” A pause as he let out a sigh. “And I had no idea that your calf could bleed so damn much.”

Olivia patted Ed’s side as a signal for him to move further up on the bed. He followed the command without a word and before Olivia even had a chance to curl up next to him, he was fast asleep. Exactly what she needed.

For now Ed could sleep and Olivia could figure out how she would talk him out of giving his statement a day early.


End file.
